Thursday, January 11, 2007 :
"No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut." - Channing Pollock
Wadafak?
"If only it was as easy to banish hunger by rubbing the belly as it is to masturbate." - Diogenes the Cynic
Wadafak?
"Sleep 'til you're hungry. Eat 'til you're sleepy." - Author Unknown
What a useless and pointless yet totally fulfilling life.
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On December 27th, I went to Kuching, for my uncle's wedding.
Okay, before I start. Let me do a history repeat. I've never been to Kuching. That means I've never seen my relatives from that side of the country before. Means, there was still chance that I could be related to a hot chick.
I flew there by MAS. Which was kind of annoying.
I was sitting in my seat -window seat-. More like sleeping actually. I love window seats cos you get to rest your head on the window while you sleep and I was dam sleepy at that time. So there I was, sleeping happily, when all of a sudden.
Voice : Excuse me sir,......... sir,........... sir,...............
I opened my eyes and saw an above average looking stewardess staring right into my eyes. Wtf. Must've flew too high sampai reach heaven.
Stewardess : Sorry, sir. Would you like your meal now?
Okay, I just got woken up from my beauty sleep. Naturally, my surroundings don't immediately click with my mind.
Me : Yeah.
The 2 guys on my left were staring at me like I was wearing a pantyhose on my head or something. Fuckers.
My meal came and it was fish fillet. Yum. I love fish fillet. But I love sleeping more than I love fish fillet so I just let my food rest on the tray while I went back to sleep. The food box was covered by an aluminium foil so you couldn't really tell whether one has eaten his/her food yet.
While I was sleeping.......
Voice : Excuse me sir,........... sir,.......... sir,............
Wtf. Same thing happened again.
Stewardess : Are you done with your meal? May I take your tray?
Dam kacau.
Me : No, I'm not done yet.
Once again, the 2 men beside me stared like they've never seen a 16 year old chinese teenage boy sleep on a flight. Fuckers. I went back to sleep. And guess wat? The same thing happened again. The one where the stewardess thought I finished my food.
So I decided to finish my fucking food. I ate. N I ate. N I ate. N it felt pretty darn good. After eating, I went back to sleep.
Voice : Excuse me sir,........ sir,........... sir,...............
I swear I'm gonna take a stick and shove it up your beautiful mouth.
Stewardess : May I take your tray away?
Bah!! Now you take it away. I didn't even answer the Goddamned lady. I just grabbed the chocolates, peanuts and mineral water off the tray then handed it -the tray you idiot!- to her. Annen, I went back to sleep.
That was the end of my blissful plane ride.
Kuching..... is all about food. Without its food, Kuching wouldn't be Kuching. It'll be called Fuckhole. If you can spot a hot chick in Kuching, take note, write it in your diary and take a picture of her in your phone cos those are the extinct beings in Kuching.
When you grow old, you can tell your great-grandkids "I saw a hot chick in Kuching". Then they'll be all like "Whoa! Wtf! Great-grandpa spotted a hot chick in Kuching! G-Granpa, you're my idol! But without the wrinkles and the decelerated movements and the failure to stand without Viagra of course."
Back to Kuching. I went Kuching and found myself eating noodles all the time. Noodles this. Noodles that. Noodles here. Noodles there. Its amazing how the locals there don't have noodles growing out of their nostrils.
Kuching, has very little entertainment! AND I MEAN VERY LITTLE! Its a wonder how teenage kids there have a life. I met my relatives. None of them my age. There goes my dream.
On to the wedding. There are mainly 3 things I look forward to in a wedding.
1. Hot chicks.
2. Wine.
3. Good Food.
A wedding without either one of those mentioned above is a failure by my standards. Fortunately for my uncle, his wedding passed my inspection. Although the wine had no kick. And trying to find a hot chick in his wedding was like trying to find me watching korean drama series -I do watch, when I'm eating in front of the tv dominated by my grandmother.-. Don't get me wrong, there were hot chicks alright. Just not flooded or even filling.
There was one thing that made my trip to Kuching more enjoyable. The hotel. The moment I got into my room, I'd lie on my bed in my boxers watching tv. The air-con. The aroma. Pure comfort.
I just love good hotels.