Monday, August 14, 2006 : Disappointments exist because of expectations.
Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody's power, that is not easy. - Aristotle.
In a way, I felt like I could connect with that quote above. I don't know why.
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Last Saturday, I entered a basketball 3 on 3 tournament -yeah, I know, I can't play basketball for fucks- But you see, I've never tried it before and what better way to spice up the tournament than being in it?
Actually there was this particular person who was also involved in the tournament that made me want to join. If it wasn't because of her, I doubt I would've even joined.
First match, we -Han Xian, Neal and I- were up against a team from the same school as us. So there wasn't really any pressure since they already knew how badly we played. On the same team as me, we have Han Xian -a school team player- the leader, Me -the basketball noob- and Neal -one who also rarely plays basketball, if not, never-. Our team name was Dumb, Dumber and Dumberer. Ironic isn't it?
First match, we played a little warm-up match. Where we all started adjusting ourselves to this new environment we call the basketball court.
Needless to say, we lost 3-0. Not bad actually for a couple of basketball dummies.
The 2nd match, we won! By a walkover. The opponent's team didn't show up. =D
Then the 3rd match, we lost. 9-1. To who? You know who anot? The coach's personally recommended team leh. And I was so happy the ball I shot went into the net.
This is how it went. =P I was holding the ball, behind me was a guy, big guy. I could hear the timekeeper's voice over all the crowd's blabberings; "3...2....1.....". Then I started to panic and said in my mind "Oh, fuck it". I turned around and gave it a shot. Surprisingly, it went into the hoop and time was up!
Hoorah. It was estatic.
Then I was sitting there happily in my seat, when Jane took the mic and announced a birthday celebration thingy. Then, I thought it was for Christine only, since I wasn't very close to Jane. Boy, what a shock I got when I discovered that I was included in the celebration -courtesy of Wei Ling and Sarah-.
A birthday cake came out of nowhere. I was too shocked and too touched to react properly. The cake didn't have to have my name on it for me to enjoy the celebration. But that event just made it to the top 5 happiest days of my life, possibly even holding top position.
Celebrating alongside Christine, my twin sister. Mmmm, delicious chocolate cake.
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Enough about the happy stuffs. There were some pretty upsetting moments on that day. Particularly stuffs that I do not wish to touch on. It just made me really really......... ~!@#$%^&
But it'll recover, in no time. I'm sure it was just a misunderstanding.
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Ah, the night before my birthday. I was chatting, blissfully unaware of the moment that was about to dawn upon me.
Suddenly, I received an SMS. I looked at the clock, it showed 12:00 AM. The beginning of 13th August 2006. I realised the SMS was a birthday wish, I just didn't know from who.
I was expecting it to be from her. But -not really disappointed- it was from Yoke Kien. Ah, what a thoughtful girl. Then I received another SMS. I was really hoping for it to be her.
But, it was Eunice. I'm chatting with her online and she still sends me an SMS. Haha. Now thats what I call nice.
Then 3rd was Bec -thanks again, Becky Wecky!-, but still no sign of her. Then the messages kept coming and coming but still no indication of her.
All the way till I slept, none.
So, I decided to do what I do almost every night, wish her good night via SMS. And just before I dozed off, I thought to myself, maybe she slept already. Yeah, maybe that was it. I was almost certain I would receive it in the morning.
Fuck expectations, they only make you even more disappointed. Not to mention depressed. I woke up to a couple of SMS-es, one of them being Wei Ling's.
Then my family went Mid Valley and I tagged along. When we reached, my mum and sister went to Metrojaya to use up some voucher thingy. My dad wandered off to do what grown, matured, adults usually do in shopping malls.
I, on the other hand, walked to the cybercafe, hoping to be able to take my mind off things. Fucking cybercafe, chose to have the maintainence on my birthday.
Then I looked for a nearby bench and sat there, staring into the crowd of people walking by me, feeling extremely moody. Why hasn't she messaged/called -call would've been the better one-?
Suddenly, I got a call. I immediately jumped. The old man sitting next to me got startled by my sudden excitement -his eyes opened wider-, but I didn't care. All I wanted to do was answer the call and hope its from her.
Not who I expected, but still, it was good enough! My first birthday call! Ah, the joy. The first, and only, person to call me was Kim.
Lets move off the topic for awhile. I remember back in my Form 3 days, when I used to have a crush of her, yes Kim. But, I didn't make a move, age being the factor. There was a certain superiority in her that made her seem waaay out of my league. And it ended when she left the school.
But I digress. So there I was, answering a call, feeling moody all the same. The sound of Kim's voice was a refreshing sensation in my period of depression. However, I couldn't hide the fact that I was sad. She could even tell through my voice. But I still appreciated the call.
After the conversation ended, I smiled for awhile. Then went back to being moody. Hah. How pathetic of me, I know.
Then my mum called to tell me we were going for lunch now. Great! Chillis! Margarita for me! Something to rinse the downheartedness away; a little alcohol.
Margarita worked for me like a Panadol for a migrain. But alcohol can only last for so long. I was soon feeling down again.
Suddenly, I received a message. I opened it as though I had received an SMS from a tuition teacher; cos I already gave up expecting things that weren't going to happen.
Unexpectedly, out of the blue, without a warning, it was her! Yes! The person I was most looking forward to receiving the birthday greeting from! Turns out she had her reasons. Totally understandable, I think?
Hah, and I got high from that moment onwards. What a marvellous day! Well, maybe only the second half. Joy!