Thursday, January 11, 2007 :
"No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut." - Channing Pollock
Wadafak?
"If only it was as easy to banish hunger by rubbing the belly as it is to masturbate." - Diogenes the Cynic
Wadafak?
"Sleep 'til you're hungry. Eat 'til you're sleepy." - Author Unknown
What a useless and pointless yet totally fulfilling life.
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On December 27th, I went to Kuching, for my uncle's wedding.
Okay, before I start. Let me do a history repeat. I've never been to Kuching. That means I've never seen my relatives from that side of the country before. Means, there was still chance that I could be related to a hot chick.
I flew there by MAS. Which was kind of annoying.
I was sitting in my seat -window seat-. More like sleeping actually. I love window seats cos you get to rest your head on the window while you sleep and I was dam sleepy at that time. So there I was, sleeping happily, when all of a sudden.
Voice : Excuse me sir,......... sir,........... sir,...............
I opened my eyes and saw an above average looking stewardess staring right into my eyes. Wtf. Must've flew too high sampai reach heaven.
Stewardess : Sorry, sir. Would you like your meal now?
Okay, I just got woken up from my beauty sleep. Naturally, my surroundings don't immediately click with my mind.
Me : Yeah.
The 2 guys on my left were staring at me like I was wearing a pantyhose on my head or something. Fuckers.
My meal came and it was fish fillet. Yum. I love fish fillet. But I love sleeping more than I love fish fillet so I just let my food rest on the tray while I went back to sleep. The food box was covered by an aluminium foil so you couldn't really tell whether one has eaten his/her food yet.
While I was sleeping.......
Voice : Excuse me sir,........... sir,.......... sir,............
Wtf. Same thing happened again.
Stewardess : Are you done with your meal? May I take your tray?
Dam kacau.
Me : No, I'm not done yet.
Once again, the 2 men beside me stared like they've never seen a 16 year old chinese teenage boy sleep on a flight. Fuckers. I went back to sleep. And guess wat? The same thing happened again. The one where the stewardess thought I finished my food.
So I decided to finish my fucking food. I ate. N I ate. N I ate. N it felt pretty darn good. After eating, I went back to sleep.
Voice : Excuse me sir,........ sir,........... sir,...............
I swear I'm gonna take a stick and shove it up your beautiful mouth.
Stewardess : May I take your tray away?
Bah!! Now you take it away. I didn't even answer the Goddamned lady. I just grabbed the chocolates, peanuts and mineral water off the tray then handed it -the tray you idiot!- to her. Annen, I went back to sleep.
That was the end of my blissful plane ride.
Kuching..... is all about food. Without its food, Kuching wouldn't be Kuching. It'll be called Fuckhole. If you can spot a hot chick in Kuching, take note, write it in your diary and take a picture of her in your phone cos those are the extinct beings in Kuching.
When you grow old, you can tell your great-grandkids "I saw a hot chick in Kuching". Then they'll be all like "Whoa! Wtf! Great-grandpa spotted a hot chick in Kuching! G-Granpa, you're my idol! But without the wrinkles and the decelerated movements and the failure to stand without Viagra of course."
Back to Kuching. I went Kuching and found myself eating noodles all the time. Noodles this. Noodles that. Noodles here. Noodles there. Its amazing how the locals there don't have noodles growing out of their nostrils.
Kuching, has very little entertainment! AND I MEAN VERY LITTLE! Its a wonder how teenage kids there have a life. I met my relatives. None of them my age. There goes my dream.
On to the wedding. There are mainly 3 things I look forward to in a wedding.
1. Hot chicks.
2. Wine.
3. Good Food.
A wedding without either one of those mentioned above is a failure by my standards. Fortunately for my uncle, his wedding passed my inspection. Although the wine had no kick. And trying to find a hot chick in his wedding was like trying to find me watching korean drama series -I do watch, when I'm eating in front of the tv dominated by my grandmother.-. Don't get me wrong, there were hot chicks alright. Just not flooded or even filling.
There was one thing that made my trip to Kuching more enjoyable. The hotel. The moment I got into my room, I'd lie on my bed in my boxers watching tv. The air-con. The aroma. Pure comfort.
I just love good hotels.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007 : D2YC
I used to believe anything was better than nothing. Now I know that sometimes nothing is better. - Glenda Jackson
I have no idea what that means but it sounds smart so screw it, I'll just post it.
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I know this is a little outdated but I went for a camp called D2YC in December 2006. 19th to be exact.
Bah. It happened so long ago. I forgot what to write about.
Needless to say, I caused and got into trouble there. BUT, at least I stayed in the safe zone; popping my head out every now and then to get some fresh air.
Sebastian said it was more fun to be a committee than a participant. So I decided to analyse the Goddamned thing. Like every other thing in the world. It has its yin and yang.
*For those of you goofs out there who don't know what yin and yang are, its like pros n cons*
*For those of you dumbfucks out there who don't know what pros n cons are, go stick your head in the toilet bowl and count backwards from 0.*
Participants pros.
- Get to mix around thoroughly with other participants.
- Get to fully participate in the activities done.
- Get to know the other participants in a more detailed manner.
- By mixing around with other participants, get to make more new friends.
- Rules of the camp are really loose on committees.
- Get to go out for mamak once in awhile.
- Get to eat mamak food if leftovers aren't enough.
- Get to hang about doing nothing.
- Rules applied are strict-er.
- Vegetarian food all the way unless you're lucky you get curry chicken from the monk's leftover during Dana. =D
- If you're late, you're fucked.
- Extreme lack of sleep.
- Don't really get to maximise the number of friends made.
- Minimal participation in activities.
- Requires a lot of hard work to deal with the participants. Haha.
Rest I can't remember. Its fucking 3.33 A.M. in the morning and I can't think straight. These pros and cons are taken and listed down from my point of view, from my vision. Anything else that goes on further in the committee's clan is out of my view.
I don't know about you all but I kinda enjoy being a participant more. Pictures can be seen at my Friendster or you can just ask me for the disc containing the photos.
Unlike last year, I'm too lazy to list down bit by bit of what happened during the camp. All I wanna do is sleep right now. But SOMEONE keeps poking me to update my blog. You know who you are!!
P.S. : Bee San, its not you. Hehe. Yes, I know I know, your chocolate is with me.
At camp this year, there were more hot chicks compared to last year. There were more friendly people compared to last year. Overall it was a better camp than last year. Bla bla bla. Now I'm going to sleep. I think I've made this post long enough.
Goodnight, people. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow will be better than today. Tomorrow will....... fuck it.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006 : Beer is the cause and solution to all of life's problem.
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in their brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, it is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." - Jack Handey
"Remember : "I" before "E", except in Budweiser." - Author Unknown
Personally, I don't fancy beer as much as whiskey but it'll work.
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As you can probably guess, my langkawi trip consists mainly of late night alcohols.
On the first day, we reached langkawi in the morning. Then went island hopping in the afternoon.
Later at night, after dinner, we went shopping at duty free shops and bought a bottle Jacks D for RM53! Only to regret due to another shop selling it at RM47. To add a little spice to Mr. Jack, we bought 2 bottles of Coke.
Later that night, we decided to have a gambling session. Since I bought Hershey's Kisses on that night, we also decided that Hershey's Kisses would be the items on stake instead of money. I must say, I regretted not playing with money that night as I was particularly lucky.
Then, the real party started. We opened the bottle of JD and filled 30% of the cup with it -after ice of course-. The rest was Coke. After a few rounds, people started getting groggy. Sebastian -my cousin- decided to sleep early since he has to wake up early the next morning due to his hunger for the sight of penguins.
So from 6, the number reduced to 5. Starting to feel hungry, we decided to go to the kopitiam nearby to have some non-alcoholic drinks and food. Btw, we've already finished a large portion of the JD bottle. There was only less than the length of your pinkie finger left.
While at the kopitiam, Jason -my friend- became really groggy and lifeless. It was as though he had just been raped by Michael Jackson. His face was as pale as the moon. His expression, 1 word, dunguk.
Asking whether he needed to puke, he expressionless-ly shook his head. Tiba-tiba, he walked to the toilet in a way like he had been shot in the gut and started puking. Ouchies. It recalled me to the last time I puked.
You could feel everything in your stomach rising up through your whatever the middle tube of your body is called. First, you try to push it down. It works! For awhile. Then you start gagging once. Then twice. Then 3 times. Then when you least expected it, puke runs through your throat and is expelled through your mouth, occasionally though your nostrils too. It sort of looks like a jet of brownish -color depends on food n liquid intake in the past 5 hours- liquid.
After puking, Jason refused to eat anymore, claiming he wasn't hungry. I asked Hing Yee whether he wanted to eat anything. This is how it went ;
Me : Hey, you wanna eat anything anot? Like fried mee or something?
Hy : Where's my roti kosong?
Me : Err, you didn't order any roti kosong.
Hy : Why?!!?!?!
Me : Well, first of all, this is a kopitiam. Ain't no fucking roti kosong here lah. You fucking wasted wey.
Then on the way home, Hing Yee started gagging. At first I didn't though much of his gagging. But then, suddenly, I realised what was coming.
On his third gag, Hy started gagging more than once. I knew it was happening now. Brownish black liquid exploded from his mouth like a fire extinguisher.
When we reached our apartment, Jason went to vomit again. Poor guy. Hing Yee seemed to have settled for the night. So it was up to George, Kean Way and me to finish the bottle.
After drinking half of what's left of JD, Kw started feeling uneasy. He had to puke or thats what he said. He sat in front of the toilet waiting for the moment for about an hour while me and George continued drinking our hearts out.
Both of us finished whats left of the JD and ended up walking like groggy people do. The feeling was sensational. It was like walking on clouds, only less stable. Kw finally puked in the end and safe to say, George and I were the last men standing. I could hit my head on the door and feel nothing. How cool is that?
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Night 2, we drank some Famous Grouse thingy my parents bought. I heard its the best selling whiskey in Scotland.
Not much of us drank after experiencing the horror last night. Especially Hing Yee and Jason. They decided to lay off the liquor a lil bit.
Me, George, Kw and Sebastian decided to go ahead with it. We finished all but half a pinkie finger's length of liquor left.
Nothing interesting happened.
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Night 3, this time we were in P. Penang.
Such a grand place. Especially gurney drive. Everyone had their clubbing suit out -figuratively of course, not literally- because George said his cousin could bring us in.
After pool, we waited at Gurney Plaza for George's cousins. At about 12.30, they came in 2 cars. Just nice to fit 6 of us.
George had 2 cousins in Penang. 3 of them -George's 2 cousins and cousin's friend- brought us in.
We decided to open a bottle of Chivas that night. The name of the club was Glo.
Rm280 for a bottle of Chivas. 6 of us split the cost. Loud music, hot chicks and hard liquor didn't quite do it for us. After the Chivas, we opened another bottle of JD. Thats when all hell broke lose. The music was loud. We were standing in front of the speakers. They had bases that could control your heartbeat, vibrate ashtrays and blow clothes away.
After the bottle of JD, the club closed. We decided to go mamak to refill our stomach. We were all high. So high that stars looked like suns. I could walk into walls and feel no pain.
George's cousin and his friend didn't drink much since they were driving.
First, Hing Yee puked. This time, using double jet packs. Both mouth and nostrils exploded like fuck. Next, George and his cousin went to puke but they only sort of puked phelgm. Then Sebastian decided to puke too. After Sebastian, Jason had the feeling. He felt like puking but it didn't wanna come up. So he stuck a finger in his mouth and it came out. Strangely enough, I didn't feel like puking.
And that was the end of the night. Oh wait, Jason puked some more. Now, thats only the end of the night.
That was one fucking wild night.
Friday, December 08, 2006 : No one is listening until you fart.
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure. - Murphy's Law
An unwatched pot boils immediately. - H.F. Ellis
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Don't you just hate it when it happens?
I walked into a mamak stall with some friends. I took a seat beside my friend.
Then this guy comes to take my order and he's like "Minum?"
*Minum is drink*
I say "Sirap limau".
Then, he nods his head in such an obvious manner, signalling he knows what I'm saying. So he follows up with "Makan?"
*Makan is eat*
"Maggi mee goreng ayam" I say. Again, he gives me the nod.
10 minutes later. The same guy comes up to me and says "You mau minum apa?"
*Which means 'what do you wanna drink?'*
Due to my extremely patient mood on that day, I decided to let him go and repeated my order; sirap limau.
5 minutes later, a co-worker of that guy approaches me and says "Minum apa ah?"
O'My Fucking God. I've heard of stupidity before. But this just crosses the boundary of stupidity and into the zone of X-tremely Fucking Brainless.
Agitated, I replied "Sirap limau. Dah 3 kali I bagi tau you. Apasal ah?"
*Which translated means, 'Sirap limau. I've told you 3 time already. Whats the problem ah?'*
Then he says "Sori lah, boss. Dia -while pointing to the previous guy- dengar tak bagus."
*Meaning 'Sorry lah, boss. His hearing isn't very good'*
Wtf. He should've just said that he didn't hear me. Why the fuck did he have to go pretending he had the ears of a cheetah. Bloody mother fuckers.
I just hate it when it happens and these aren't the only instances and places that it happens.
Its like when I'm talking to someone newly acquainted, I go "So where do you work?"
The guy replies with "I'm 30 years old."
But those kinda situations I don't really mind since sometimes certain words can sound very deceiving. So, perhaps they heard that certain word and decided to reply with an answer of best fit.
I'll be going to Langkawi tonight and I won't be back until next Tuesday. =D Booze, booze and more booze!!!
Not to forget the bikini babes on the beach! Lets just pray there is alright? Don't destroy my fucking fantasy.
Sunday, December 03, 2006 : Near-death.
"No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow. - Euripides"Its the stakes one takes when one plays the game of life.
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Sorry I've been late on the update. My bitch of a com just wouldn't start for the past 2 weeks. Adding salt to injury, my SPM was on. So I couldn't very well ask my parents to repair the com right?
Now that SPM's over and my com's back, I'm back in business.
First of all, lets start with how I lost 1 of my 9 lives.
Last Friday was many SPM student's happiest day of the year because it was the day of the last subject of SPM. We -me and a bunch of friends- thought we were gonna have the time of our lives. Boy, were we right -in a bad way-.
It was a trip back to my house from Giant. I refuse to relive how the accident occured so I'll just skip to the part where it happened.
A small car -driven by my friend- rammed through the divider -read: rammed through-. Then, it hit a tree -fucking tree-, rolled sideways more than 360 degrees and slid on the roof for awhile before stopping.
Now, when I was in the car, I didn't expect any of this to happen. Never, did it occur to me that such an event would take place on THAT EXACT DAY. I was sitting, blissfully unaware that the car was about to hit the divider, until my friend shouted real loud.
Then the force of the impact shook me roughly, the force of the impact with the tree shook me more.
I could see everything around me rolling around. It was as if I finally witness why scientists said the world spins on it's orbit. Until the spin came to an abrupt stop. I was lying on my back and I was able to see my fucking legs in the air, resting on the seat of the car.
I saw my friends -the driver and the driver's side passenger- getting out. I noticed my specs wasn't resting on my nose. So I decided to look for my specs. Just as I started looking around -mind you, I was upside down-, my friend -who was sitting beside me at the back seat before the accident happened- shouted "Hoi, julian, why you take so long to go out?". I didn't answer him.
Then I heard another friend's voice -the driver- shouting "FASTER COME OUT! QUICK QUICK!". Thats when I snapped back to reality and forgot bout my specs. In my mind, a probability that the car might explode occured as I could hear the sound of gas being released.
I examined my exit route only to find 2 holes available. To my left was a smaller hole than the one on my right. So I decided to take the right one. I crawled out, stomping on broken glass as I moved.
Then my other friend came out.
I looked back in, hoping to find my specs, not having high hopes. But I did find it. I put it on and examined the surroundings.
I saw oil spilling onto the tar road. I saw an overturned car lying on its roof. I saw my friend -who was sitting beside the driver. Lets call him C- with blood all over his hands kneeling on the grassy floor. I saw another friend -the driver, lets call him Z- lying on the ground with a cut on his arm talking to the phone. I saw another friend -who was sitting beside me. Lets call him Y- unharmed, uninjured, unscratched. I examined myself and found no major cuts.
The blood on C's arm was flowing like the ancient river of Babylon with wounds as thick as 2 or 3 50 cents coins stacked up together. Z was lying on the floor clutching the uninjured Y's trousers in pain.
His blood transferred onto my hands as I helped C up. A car stopped by with 4 Chinese men inside. They rolled down their windows and started talking to C. C asked whether they could help him wash the blood off his hand to clean the wound while waiting for my other friend -this friend wasn't involved in the accident as he was travelling in a different car. Lets call him K- to come but the chinese dudes declined, suggesting that he does it himself.
Macao hai. People already injured you still ask him to wash it himself. Someone ought to take a 10 foot poker stick and shove it up your ungrateful anus, you fucking piece of shitbag.
If that wasn't bad enough. I have a feeling they stole Z's wallet too while they were rummaging through the car. They looked rugged, could've easily been suspects as robbers. Especially when Z's wallet went missing.
K finally arrived and took Z and C to the hospital. Y, G -another friend who was travelling in K's car- and I waited there for the tow truck. Thats when I realised I sprained my neck and got a few cuts n bruises in the accident.
Here's what the car looked like.
^That patch of liquid beside the car is fuel.
^Thats one of the exits of the vehicle.
^Thats the view of the car after it had been turned over.---------------
After 2 and a half hours of waiting and countless audiences, the truck finally arrived with its wheels moving slower than my grandma's car.
After dealing with everything, exhaustion and thirst caught up with us -K, Y, G, Justin and I-. We went to the mamak near my house and had a couple of drinks.
C had to undergo operation on his arm to remove fragments of glass that were still in his arm. Z had some muscle injuries around his lower neck and upper chest, nothing serious.
Now, I'm gonna go rest my neck. Tataz.